Gratitudes

I'm grateful for:

having written about Jaren's analytical abilities. Remembering it and practicing it prepared me for some potentially bad news.

having Irene as a friend. I really needed to let out some steam last night after Chien-Hwe broke up with me, and Irene was perfect. She not only listened, but also had to get some stuff out herself. but then we finished with at least two happy moments!

having Jody's class last night and having the opportunity to explore the depth of my dancing a year after the conservatory.

Journaling: Voice Recital

I haven't journaled since Friday, meaning I missed Saturday and Sunday. But that's okay, just keep on keeping on.

The highlight of Sunday was the voice recital. Taylor started us off just by sitting in the space--a practice I should do more often when I work, whether it be singing or dancing. Then, he asked us to acknowledge what we were afraid of, and to write it down. Then, what our strengths are and write it down.

I was afraid of making some sudden, unexpected mistake as a short-term fear, and as a longer-term fear, knowing that I could go further but not actually doing it.

My strengths, what I could rely, were that I am constantly told that I am grounded. Via Me! said that I have a lot of hope. I took these two together to mean that I can take things in stride and keep going.

Taylor then went on to suggest that our strengths and weaknesses are probably quite similar. Interesting notion. We then ripped up our fears and threw them away.

During the actual voice recital, when I singing, I felt a surge of energy I had never felt before. "Amarilli" suddenly became more real for me than it ever had before. I really felt like telling her to take the arrow and rip open my chest. The energy was so great, I couldn't contain it but didn't know how to let it out.

It was a new experience, and I know it'll come back again. Now I want to work on really harnessing that energy, to create a deeper experience for myself.

"Give a man" was similar, I think, but I had felt something similar in the studio class. It was a different energy, but similar. Again, I look forward to bringing this energy into my work so that I can really indulge in it.

Gratitudes:

I missed Sunday, but I had thought about it before I fell asleep.

Sunday's gratitudes:
I am grateful for the bed that I have to sleep in.
I'm grateful for the housing that I've acquired.
I'm grateful for the times that I live in and how easy it is to acquire food.

Today's gratitudes:
I'm grateful for the warm, sunny weather, which pleasantly woke me up before my alarm.
I'm grateful for Taylor's work as a teacher and coach--he always encourages the positive, acknowledges the negative, but then sets it aside. His work is very much in line with the positivity that I'm working to practice.
I'm grateful for Jaren as a friend and the kinds of conversations we can have. He is so intelligent and so analytical. I strive to be more like him in terms of understanding the issues and planning for many possible outcomes.

Gratitudes:

Today, I am grateful for... ...tea, and how my mom sent me tea. ...the foot rubz ball that I bought, which gives me good massages ...mint.com for helping me access my information through just one screen

Journal: Voice Lesson

Voice Lessons with Taylor are always great. I always somehow find something deeper in my vocal practice in a lesson. Today we focused on polishing the two pieces, "Give a man a horse" and "Amarilli" for the recital on Sunday. I think we worked a lot on the vowels. Mostly, I needed to keep the vowels forward and brighter. The difference was amazing--Taylor actually physically responded by pulling back, as if the impact of my voice had suddenly, forcefully pushed him away. Singing felt so easy, and the ease actually made me feel more and more powerful. Taylor said I was especially resonant today. So true. I felt as if I was actually a singer today. Congrats to myself. It was a beautiful moment. PS I followed my lesson by heading over to the theater building at school. In the studio, I solidified for myself where that bright, forward place in my mouth was for the vowels. What power. It's amazing that I have this ready for me. I can't wait to show it off. Except that it's not really about some petty need for attention, it's a display of the power of the human voice.

Journaling: Returning to Yo-el's class

Last night I took Yo-el's class, which I haven't taken since September, maybe? We started with an improv warm up which was confusing for me because I hadn't done this in a really long time. But then we got to learning his material, and I really felt like I was applying what I had learned when videotaping myself for Leslie Koval's Jury: how to move when the head leads. His warm up now is very repetitive, but not too intense, so I was glad that I had done a mini pre-barre before. Two of the skills I recently acquired are a clean, functional, smooth, and powerful plié, which I need to warm up to get to, and a feeling of true extension in the leg (with the stretch behind the knee). I had forgotten how he uses the upper body to initiative the turns and the jumps. It was fun to incorporate that into my pliés. I think I've definitely gotten stronger, because when I jumped and looked into the mirror, it actually looked spectacular. Yo-el is also a fan of the low, grounded running. Leslie Koval helped me really find that, and I think it showed. I've also been working on external focus with Gino a lot. One of my new habits is to look up, which Leslie Koval pointed out, but I was much more aware of where I was choosing to focus. I still could use some work, but it was definitely a gratifying experience to know that it's become more of a habit. Yo-el came up to me and said how strong I've become--that I'm all muscle! Yet afterwards he said, I've become very clean, that I'm getting good technical training, but it hasn't gotten in the way of my freedom. That's nice to hear, that I'm acquiring skills that I want without compromising the skills that I already have. It was such a refreshing class to attend!

Friday

Today, I am grateful... for the ability to sleep in, which I probably needed if I did it for learning about Walt Disney, who advanced technology for the sake of his art for reading Camden's wall and seeing all the lovely memories about him and messages to him and his family